Sometimes when I ride my bike or think about my bike riding I wish a car could just slam into me.
Not to die, not at all.
I picture myself getting hit, flying in the air by the force of the crash and as I am ascended temporarily, everything is released from my body.
All my worries, thoughts, stresses and hopelessness escapes and I leave it all behind on my way back down as I slam against the road; empty, refined, opened and reborn.
As my blood spills out, so does my life, not life as in like life/death or Life, but the baggage of life, the shit I carry from birth and keep collecting as I “grow up”.
Dragging more and more, muffling the crying, screaming, stamping Little Rachel demanding for hope and a happy ending ever after…
And so then I picture myself in the hospital, plastered head to foot, unburdened and finally filled with hope. My happy ending, like this crash is my atonement